Let's face it. I don't have a ton of dating experience under my belt. I was 18 when I met the man child. I had just graduated high school and had high hopes for my future. I wanted to go pre-med. (We see how that went... yay for being in love and putting education at the bottom of the priority list!) A hot guy lived in the apartment below me, MC, but I never thought we would date.. it happened.
So I never really dated around. I started seeing MC less than a month after I moved in.. and never looked back.
Anyway. So I don't know what its like to date. I've been on a few and I'm just left with a feeling of.. meh.
I mean, a free dinner is good, but sometimes the company just sucks.
I will admit, I had a friend who I really liked, who is single (very important!) but I don't know where things are going to go.. maybe that's why I don't feel any sparks with anyone.
Who the hell knows.
I'm not looking to get married right away. I am enjoying being able to do what I want, when I want, and not having to answer to anyone. I can be in a good mood without a certain MC trying to bring me down with him.
Maybe I am scared? I don't trust my instincts?
This is all very confusing and sometimes annoying. I hate going anywhere where there is a bunch of couples, the feeling of loneliness is KILLER. Even though I know if I was still with MC he would be sitting in a corner, not socializing, and being rude to everyone. It was nice to have someone around, even though they were a hermit.
Let's also add that having two kids really cramps your dating style. You have to find a man who is willing to not see you as often as they would like because the kids come first. I guess, I could bring the guy home and he could hang out with the kids and I, but I refuse to do that unless I know that they will be in it for more than two or three weeks. Its confusing to the kids, and they deserve a life that is simple and drama free.
And let's not mention, oh wait, I am... the wives who are worried that you are going to try and seduce their husbands. That's fun! I'm sorry that I am a somewhat attractive female who is single, but let me assure you, I am not a home wrecker. I have no interest in attempting to break a family apart. Honestly, that makes me feel like shit, and its not even worth going to parties.
Saying all that, would I go back to MC? Hell to the no.
I wish I had a crystal ball or something to tell me what my life is going to look like in the future. Will I find someone who builds me up, who is funny, who loves me for me? Or will I forever be alone, wanting to knock a bitch out who gives me a rude look because I dare to show up at a party without a date.