Saturday, June 1, 2013

Have a seat..

This is going to possibly be the longest introductory post on a blog ever. Or I might get tired and call it a night, leaving everyone on pins and needles, longing to finish reading about how I ended up divorced at 30 with two kids. (It's not that interesting)

 A long time ago, like, 12 years ago, I met a man, more boy than man, so we'll call him Man Child. I was all of 18 years old, just moved out of my parents house and went to college to live on my own. I met the man child (MC) while moving in, he was in the apartment below my shitty roommate's and my apartment. (She is shitty, not the apartment.. just in case I did not make that grammatically correct).

Anyway. Man-Child and I, date. It was not the easiest relationship. We both had lots going on in our lives to complicate things. I was dealing with severe depression. He was dealing with a very sick mother, who passed away a couple of months after we started dating.(So just for future reference to anyone, including myself, starting a relationship when you both have major issues, is PROBABLY not going to end well.) Somehow, we make it 18 months and get married. I was young, dumb and naive. No other way to put it. You live and learn, right?

We fought. A LOT. He threatened to divorce me the first week we were married. So yeah, not the healthiest marriage, but what can you expect from a 20 year and an emotionally stunted MC?

 MC was and still is a very unhappy person. It took me 11 years to realize that I was never going to make him happy. I learned the very hard lesson that only you can make yourself happy, and me trying to conform to his thoughts on a perfect relationship was not cutting it any longer. So I made the very tough decision to rip our little family apart and move on.

 We moved to Hawaii in 2010 for my husband's job, and yes, he is military, in case you are wondering. And to answer a lot of people's questions - the military did NOT have anything to do with why we split up. I love the military lifestyle, and am sad to see it end.

 I was conflicted on moving, because we had two small kids and I wanted to be able to visit family as much as possible. MC wanted an adventure, so I trusted him and off we went to Honolulu. MC hates Hawaii. He refused to enjoy himself. I would beg, plead, ask, nag, everything for him to suck it up and enjoy the temporary time we have in Hawaii. He could never do it. In fact, he told me a year after we moved here that he only moved to Hawaii so he could say he lived here, he knew he would hate it.

Nice, right? I shouldn't have been surprised, he HATES the beach. He hates traffic. He finds all the negative he can find and sucks the joy out of everyone around him. I'm not the only one to notice this, so please do not think I am being a bitter ex-wife. (I'm not, I swear)

To make this end a lot sooner, I got tired of being with a negative MC who bitched all the time. Nothing I could say or do could make him happy. After 11.5 years of trying to make someone happy, I gave up on the idea of making him happy. Which in turn, made me really happy.

I'm a much calmer, positive person now. I have some horrible days, divorce isn't easy for anyone, but knowing that I am not with someone who made me and the kids so on edge is gratifying. It makes all the shit I've dealt with that past 9 months, a LITTLE bit easier. It's nice to live in a joyful home and not one full of negativity and tension.

That's all I got for now. I'm sleepy. One day, I'll add bits and pieces to the story, but I am really trying to make this short and sweet.

 So here I am. 30(!?) years old, single, and living in Hawaii. We got two awesome kids out of the marriage who give me the strength and courage to get out there and get shit done. I recently got a great new job, and the people I work for are awesome. I have a cute little home in one of the cutest towns on Oahu. I'm doing it, my life is slowly coming together.

 I have always blogged in the past, and I want to continue to do so. Maybe one day, my story can help others. I do not want anyone to get divorced, but maybe it will give them some clarity and help them make the decision to stay with their spouse and fight for their marriage, or vice versa.

Life is too short to be unhappy. I'm hoping my next 30 years are amazing, and things are already looking up.

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